i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
