I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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