ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
