..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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