Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
