The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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