it wasn't lemon gatorade
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
