Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
