Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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