Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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