I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
