trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
