i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
