Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
