upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
