I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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