it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
