Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
