Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
