I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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