She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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