the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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