It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
