A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
