if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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