Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm passing your future prison.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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