Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
