was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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