Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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