proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize