I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
