There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
