a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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