Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
