FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bring me that man meat
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
