4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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