Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
