Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
