Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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