I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
