yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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