I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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