you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize