oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
