All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
