no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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