Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
