dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
