I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
