I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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