There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
