She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
