Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
