I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
