why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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