so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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