Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
