why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
