If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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