pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
