Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
