I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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