I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
