bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize