my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
