It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
