Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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