We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
