So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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