Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
