that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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