i barfeds in our rink
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
