How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
