i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
