I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
